While every relationship is different, survivors of domestic violence have identified common characteristics and behaviors of abusive partners. Knowing the warning signs can help you to avoid abusive relationships or identify abuse and get help for yourself or a friend/family member sooner.
If you recognize any of the warning signs below, consider calling the Family Wellness Program or one of the hotlines listed at the bottom of this page.
1. Extreme jealousy – when one partner wants to know who the other is with and what they are doing at all times, doesn’t trust them and might even accuse them of cheating for no good reason.
2. Isolation – when one partner wants the other all to him/herself, tries to cut them off from friends, family, and activities – might even insist they quit their job or school.
3. Controlling behavior – when one partner tries to control the other by telling them what to do, how to dress, who to hang out with – or manipulates them into doing what they want.
4. Fast-moving relationship – when a partner who comes on very strong, is an extreme “smooth talker” and wants to make major commitments very early in the relationship.
5. Blaming – when one partner always seems to blame the other for his/her own behavior – “You made me do this.”
6. History of abusive behavior – if someone has ever been abusive to a current or ex partner, a child or an animal; it is unlikely they will change without help.
7. Moodiness – someone with a “Jeckyl and Hyde” personality.
8. Put-downs – when one partner is constantly criticizing the other, putting them down and making them feel badly about themselves.
9. Entitlement – when someone believes they are entitled to be in charge or be catered to, because of gender or other reasons.
10. Intimidation and threats – when one partner uses threats or intimidating body language, punches walls or breaks things to intimidate the other.
How to get help:
The Children’s Aid Society – Family Wellness Program 212-503-6842
NYC Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-621-HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-699-SAFE or 1-800-787-3224 TTY
National Teen Dating Violence Hotline 1-866-331-9474 or1-866-331-8453 TTY
Kerry Moles, Children’s Aid Family Wellness Program, NYC
Tags: Children's Aid New York City, Domestic Violence, Family Wellness Program, Intimate Partner Abuse
The Children’s Aid Society recognizes domestic violence, also known as relationship abuse or intimate partner abuse, as one of the most pressing issues facing children, families and communities today. Most people know someone who has been abused or abusive, even if they are not aware of it. It can devastate families, lead to lifelong problems for the children who witness it, and contributes to a wide range of violence in the community. That is why CAS is committed to providing both education to prevent abuse and services to help families impacted by it to find safety and heal from its effects.
Anyone can be abused – this is an issue that cuts across race, culture, class, religion and sexual orientation, and teens as well as adults experience it. The most important thing to remember is that NO ONE deserves to be abused. While victims are often convinced that they bring on the abuse themselves, this is never the case – a person who chooses to abuse someone else is always responsible for his or her own actions.
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